Greg of Google
by Asdeph
Summary: Greg Carpenter is an ordinary Carpenter. War hero, just awesome, and generally insane. Greg has been chosen to test the Chromium Mk. VI, the newest Chromium Linusuit, a computer which merges with the user to give them incredible powers, based off the net.


It was a crisp Autumn night, and Greg was enjoying any minute of it. _New Awesome City is getting better day by day, _he thought. In euphoria he skip-walked, taking in the sights. People stared at him, in utter confusion; after all, he was Greg. After purchasing several cupcakes from various bakeries, he found an alleyway with elaborate graffiti. Greg, being an awesome aficionado, stopped to admire the work. It read "KingKillaz" and had a burning crown wrapped around a large penis. Greg nodded his approval, when a gang came up to him.

"Yo, mang, this is the KingKillaz corner. You's in our TURF, mang," the leader exclaimed.

"Ah, I apologize profusely. I am just a fan of art such as yours. I like the symbolism, the penis represents masculinity," Greg preached, "and the burning crown represents the art of regicide you seem to enj-"

"I don't give a _shit_ about that faggot stuff. You's in our turf, and you's going to _pay_."

Greg struggled against the hold, trying to get free, with no hope of winning. He sighed.

"I'm sorry."

Greg mashed the inside of his left wrist, and chanted in Latin. His arm brightly glowed, red, orange, red, orange, in quick succession. He kicked the leader of the KingKillaz in the scrotum harshly, following through with a punch to the head, then an elbow, and then another kick, finishing with an open palm attack to the chest. He then flailed his right arm behind him.

"!" he shouted. A sword materialized behind him. He charged up to one of the KingKillaz, and butted him sharply with the hilt, in an attempt to get a path through the crowd. One of the KingKillaz laughed at him, and tapped his wrist. Black, grey, black, grey.

"" said the KingKilla. A katana appeared in his hands, complete with the KingKilla logo on a chain attached to the blade. The monarch penis flew in the breeze. Greg grinned, and slashed at him. The katana user blocked, but Greg followed through with a knee to the groin. The man flipped back, slowing his fall on the streets.

"You're finished. Intimus Bl-"

Then he got hit by a truck.

The rest of the KingKillaz were stunned by Greg's nonchalant nature, and promptly ran off, one by one. The leader lay unconscious on the ground. Police flew in on jetpacks, watching Greg materialize pillows and other such pleasantries for the leader of the gang. The women driving the truck stammered on, saying how he jumped in front of the truck, but they ignored her, going straight for Greg.

"Unauthorized Googler, eh?" asked the officer.

"Huh? I'm new to town, you might know me. Greg Carpenter, I'm John's brother. I was given a place to relocate to, so what better then the marvel of technology?" Greg replied with a sense of pride.

"C-c-Carpenter?" the officer asked.

"Yes. Lieutenant Major of the Eagleland army, and one of the first people to try out the new Chromium Mk. VI. Features 20 GHz/pS connection speed, 13G networking, it has an onboard RAM of about 50 gigs, 1 THz processor, 20 gigs of graphic memory, about 7200 RPS hard drive, and 1 petabyte of storage. Pretty nifty, huh?" Greg ranted.

"What the hell kind of hardware is that? Are you from the future?" he joked. 

Greg and the officer, who revealed his name to be Wilfred Amadeus chatted about Biocomputing, different operating system choices, various websites, and general computing things. His partner walked up.

"What's taking you so long, Wil?" he asked, jokingly.

"This guy's a Carpenter."

The other officer did a spit-take.

"You mean, like John? The guy who singlehandedly won the-?" 

"Yup. The very same." Wilfred replied. Greg shyly waved his hands, now out of his family's trademark orange/red Linusuit. Wilfred smiled at him, and motioned for the officer to go with him.

"Oh, Central Office is a few blocks north. Your Google Maps should help you," Wilfred said.

Greg bowed, and skip-walked just as he had done in the streets. Adventures awaited him, and he knew he had what it takes; after all, he _was_ a Carpenter.


End file.
